We first learn the meaning of love from our parents as a young child. We can gain a realistic or unrealistic expectation of what love is depending on how other individuals views are projected onto us.
There have been several ideas and suggestions made over the years about love, that when examined closely, can be harmful to live by in one is on life.
A relationship will make me happy
Woman are taught at a young age that their happiness is tied to a relationship and or marriage. If you keep this idea that a relationship will make you happy you are relying on another individual to make you happy and that is not fair to you and or the other person. Having such unrealistic expectations will have you hurt and confused when you find that relationships actually do not make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. When you bring yourself happiness first then get into a relationship you are not looking for the relationship to bring you something you already have. If anything, that relationship will add to the happiness you have already cultivated for yourself.
This seems to be one I hear often. Love should not hurt. It's true that those we love tend to hurt us the most because you love and value their opinions. However, if your relationship consists of constant fights, arguments and frequently leaves you confused about where you stand, then I assure you this is not signs of a healthy relationship and love. Trust me I have been there! I thought if I stayed the other individual would change and see just how much I loved them. I believed that my suffering was making our relationship stronger when in fact it was killing me mentally.
A relationship should be perfect
As a little girl I can vividly remember watching Cinderella and Snow White over and over to the point that I knew the words by heart. I thought that was how relationships were in reality, perfect. Relationships are not meant to be perfect. You will be tested in your relationships. I have talked to several married couples that have shared that their relationship before they were married was not perfect and still is not as a married couple. They have shared obstacles that they had to overcome to get to where they are now. It is also important to know when to stay and work it out together and when it is time to pack your bags and exit.
You will not ever have to work on your relationship
All relationship needs continuous work. No relationship is perfect. It is important for you to grow as an individual and sometimes when this happens it can cause tension in the relationship. If both partners agree and want the relationship to work, then it would only make sense to take time to work on what is causing the strain in the relationship. Relationship do have their ups and downs and should not just survive off of love. Do not make the mistake of confusing a toxic relationship with a healthy one.
Finding a healthy and happy relationship can be a challenge, especially when there are so many misleading messages around us. Understand that every love story is written differently. One thing is important in securing a happy and healthy love. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
What lies have you been told about Love?
I like what you said about how love shouldn’t hurt. That made me pause and think.
We was told to stick through thick and thin. Regardless of the situation. Biggest mistake of my life. The lies and deceit was more painful than the actual love I believed we had.